I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
