but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
