I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
