If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
