She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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