Swine flu. Run for my life!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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