The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
