Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
