peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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