Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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