Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
