I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
