I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
