Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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