you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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