Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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