I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
