I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like death gave me a hand job
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
