So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
