omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
