just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
