So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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