I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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