I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
