Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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