The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
