I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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