so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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