ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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