I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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