I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm jealous of your bromance
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
