i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
organizing the empties. That sober.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
