We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
