we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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