I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
