dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
