Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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