I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That accounts for only three of the penises
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
