my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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