i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
