Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
