I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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