Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
