Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
