When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
