I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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