So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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