my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
