Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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