Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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