if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
