when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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