ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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