We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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