Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
