hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
