So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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